chickens

One of the things I love about boyfriend is that he will chase any crazy dream I have down the rabbit hole with me.

We’ll imagine our lives down a path and make a plan on how to get there. From traveling the continent in a van (#vanlife) to moving to India so we can take different courses in our desired fields (him: data, me: cooking/yoga).

The only problem is that we have just one life to live. How are we supposed to we get it all done?!

The most recent fantasy is owning a farm. A little farm. Where we could grow whatever we want and sell it at a farmers market. Or I could grow different types of wheat and bake breads all day. Boyfriend could tend to the chickens and goats (yea we’re having a pet goat).

I find this hilarious. 

I have a distinct memory of riding in the car with my family when I was about 10 years old. We were likely on our way to my grandma’s house in central Wisconsin.

I was being a pain in the ass, probably torturing my sisters or throwing beanie babies in the car.

My mom would threaten me that if I didn’t shape up we’d move to a farm. I’d have to wake up early and feed chickens AND LIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.

I’d scream NOOOOOO!! and shut up for the rest of the car ride.

Now I google the types of chickens I could own.

I have no idea what to make of this. 

As I sift through all these big dreams of where life can go, I find myself putting pressure on the situation to figure it out now. Like any choice I make is going to make an impact on the rest of my life. And if I don’t do it now, I’ll have wasted time.

If I plan it all perfectly, life will fall into place and I can fit in all in. 

I forget that dreams shift and change along the way. The life I have now is not the one I imagined when I was 10.

Looking back, life is punctuated with the people I’ve met, and the risks I took – not the jobs I held or the plans I made.

And I don’t expect my future will look exactly like the one I’m imagining now.

There’s not really a big revelation or point to this note. 

I’ve had this feeling bubble up recently of WHERE ARE YOU GOING and HOW ARE YOU GETTING THERE.

I guess this is a reminder to myself that I’ll never be able to fully predict where I’m going. So let the fuck go a little.