Homesickness is a strange feeling. I don’t always know how to name it or describe it since my home changes a lot.
When it creeps in though, I know it.
I get homesick for spaces and people. Smells and sounds. Colors and foods.
San Francisco has a smell. Ocean mixed with fog and sagebrush. The whole city smells this way (let’s pretend the tenderloin doesn’t count). I went back to SF last year and nearly cried at this smell.
My friends have a familiarity and space around them that feel safe. The space to be yourself, weird, loud, and sometimes cranky. We go on weekend trips, and the minute I leave I long for that space that was held by those people.
Right now I desperately miss my yoga home in SF. Things feel chaotic and unpredictable and that was the place that brought me back to earth. I’m homesick for the teachers and the physical space that showed me a new way to live.
I want to meditate in Tom’s class
Chant in Anna’s
Get my ass kicked in Kat’s
Learn something new in Christie’s
Sweat in Libby’s
Dance in Erin’s
Cry in Lindsay’s
I’ve been trying to find new teachers here that make me feel something – the way I felt it in my yoga home. Hoping and wishing they will be the next Christie, the next Tom, ready to take in whatever new information they’ve got to share.
I think it’s important to idolize your teachers to some extent when you’re learning something new. As the practice (whatever it is) becomes challenging, you need to see how others have overcome those struggles. Hear their stories. See that there is hope and you’ll overcome the challenges ahead of you.
Eventually though, as you progress, your teachers can no longer carry you through your struggle. Because your struggle becomes unique and your own.
So you carry it yourself.
Now, I figure out how to be my own teacher. Understanding that there are answers and inspiration in others but I’m on the hook to find the way forward.
Wherever my practice lands, I can call it home. That’s perhaps what I love most about yoga. You don’t need anything special to make it happen.
One thing I know for sure, I miss teaching. I gave up my Boulder gigs when I moved, and I don’t have the patience to wait for a studio gig in Denver.
You’ll see more online classes from me in the coming weeks, next up is restorative. If you’re someone who is new to yoga, wants to meditate but doesn’t know how, or needs a calming presence in their day – this video is going to be for you.
If you’ve got ideas for future videos – you know I wanna hear it <3