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leveling up

by practicewithdanielle

I’m looking at my lemon tree. I bought it knowing full well that it probably wouldn’t last. I live in Colorado, not exactly a lemon trees’ natural habitat.

But then a tiny little lemon grew!

It was so cute and green and I knew I was going to do everything in my power to keep this little lemon alive. I spent hours on google, nurtured its delicate water cycle, became sensitive to its temperature needs and bought overpriced organic fertilizer.
And then that fertilizer made the lemon fall off.

Motherfucker.

But today, I see two new blossoms on that tree. Just like that. When I think everything is going to shit, something good starts to happen.

This little tree is a microcosm of how life feels right now.

I type this as I pack up my life in Boulder and prepare to move to Denver. I’ve had to quit three jobs this week. And am looking for new ones. Every day brings a new drama with our recently purchased home. I might as well just tip over my piggy bank now and get it over with.

Moving internet service, packing up and deciding what goes and what stays, interviewing contractors, dealing with underwriting, meeting with recruiters, trying to keep track of a million little details in my brain before it explodes…

But then, just when I’ve hit my limit and all feels like shit, something good happens. I catch a break. I see a glimpse of my new life – one that I want and know is worth it – and I decide to keep going.

I move a lot. So this self-induced insanity is a bit of a habit.

Moving is like being granted a new beginning. Every time, I learn something new about myself. It’s hard, sure, but each move feels like a level up. My life gets better after each one.

I can fret over my decisions and the details of my life until the end of time but just like my lemon tree, it’s going to turn out okay.

And if it doesn’t, I’ll start over again.

There’s a “life gives you lemons” metaphor in here but I’ll leave that open to interpretation.

Danielle

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1 comment

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